Soapbox derby

Hey y’all! Sorry it’s been a while! Starting a new job keeps ya busy! Who knew, right?

I know last time I promised y’all a post about adjusting to apartment living and that’s still coming, but I have to talk about something else today. I have to get this off my chest.

TRAFFIC. is killing. my soul.

There. I feel a little bit better already.

But seriously. Rush hour might the new thing I hate most in life. Or maybe it’s still snakes. Either way, they are both awful. And I don’t really have a “Things I Hate Most in Life” list. Let it be known.

I don’t understand rush hour traffic. And I don’t mean that as a figure of speech. I mean I literally don’t understand why it happens.

Somebody explain this to me.

I mean… somewhere ten thousand miles ahead of me the line of cars begins. And at the front of that line, cars are moving forward at what I assume would be a decent speed. Let’s say 70 miles per hour. (Because that’s the speed limit on the road I take to and from work everyday.) So why in tarnation am I stuck at the back of the line going 15 miles per hour?!! Why?

Why, I ask!

I’m sorry. I’m on my soapbox now. I can’t stop.

In Kansas, there is no such thing as rush hour traffic. Heck, the closest thing we have to a traffic jam is two pickups stuck behind a tractor going down a one-lane dirt road!

Traffic jams are utterly foreign to me.

Traffic jam protocol is also foreign to me.

Like why does the guy in the lane next to me swerve over into the tiny gap I try to leave between my front bumper and the car in front me’s back bumper?

Hello?!! That was not an invitation for you to come join the party, buddy! That’s called caution and you obviously have none. And it’s not like cutting me off is going to get you from A to B any faster. We’re all stuck in rush hour, in case you hadn’t noticed.

And why does the lady trying who’s merging onto the road slow down when her merge lane runs out even though I have been giving her plenty of space to merge for the last 500 feet?

This is why people like me are required by law to have car insurance. Because people like you cause accidents. We about had a ten-car pileup today when I had to slam on my brakes to let you in.

Thankfully, I haven’t suffered any injuries from rush hour traffic. Unless you count the fact that my head explodes every day from 8 a.m. to 9 a.m. and then again from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m.

But I think I might just have to live with that.

4 Responses to Soapbox derby
  1. Heather Cheek Reply

    Kristy,
    I think it might be time for you to discover some back roads of AR my dear.
    It won’t fix all the rush hour traffic problems… but the idiots tend to stick to the Highways – for the most part 🙂
    Hope everything else post graduation is going well besides this.
    Heather

  2. Tonya Loewen Reply

    Oh my. I’m so glad that I do live in small town Kansas, where we don’t have traffic jams and we’re the biggest town in the county. We have one stoplight *gasp*! I really enjoyed this blog, although I feel kinda bad for enjoying your troubles!

  3. Brett Reply

    Highway traffic happens because of tailgating, usually. It leads to people slamming on their brakes. If you follow at a healthy distance, you don’t need to slam on your brakes, and traffic assumes an average speed.

    At least, that’s my theory. Dallas sucks at this.

  4. kskristy Reply

    Oh my dear Heather, I have a story for you!

    The night before my first day of work, I was kind of freaking out about traffic on 540 so I decided to take 112 and the back roads up that way. All was well until I got to one of the roads I was supposed to turn off on… and it was closed for construction.

    I ended up having to wing it and arrived at work ten minutes late. Talk about a great first impression!

    Since then, I decided that 540 is the lesser of two evils!

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