Monthly Archives: June 2012

A-team underwear

Did your mom ever tell you to make sure you wore your good underwear every time you went out in case you got in a wreck and the paramedics had to cut your pants off you?

No? Neither did mine.

Actually, I don’t know why I said that just now either. That was strange. And kind of morbid. Sorry.

But I would like to add my two cents to that lovely sentiment.

You should always wear your good underwear (which I like to call A-team underwear…gives them more of the epic vibe they deserve!) when you go out because one day it will be windy in Arkansas.

You will be driving home from work and you will need to fill your car up with gas because you just slipped under the dreaded red line.

You will find the cheapest gas in town, which really isn’t cheap at all, but will have to do because inflation is taking over the world.

And on that windy day that you stop to get gas, you will also be wearing the flowiest skirt you own.

You will pay an arm and a leg at the pump and while your wallet is being sucked dry, you will decide that you’ve finally had enough of the bird poop on your windshield and that it’s time to wash it off.

The bird poop will be so stinkin’ stuck to your windshield that you will need both hands to scrub.

And all of a sudden a gust of wind will blow through and you will look like Marilyn Monroe.

Actually, you will not look like Marilyn Monroe at all because at least in that picture (y’all know which one I’m talking about) she halfway looks like she’s “trying” to hold her dress down. This will not be the case for you.

You’re free as the wind.

And in that moment, the only thing that will keep you from total humiliation… your sole piece of consolation that will save you from many sleepless nights and years of therapy…

…is the fact that you wore your A-team underwear.

 Scroll to top